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artists-ally · 1 year ago

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{Weather} Reader x Azriel

Hello people! My name is Ally and I am proud to enter the ACOTAR world with a bang. I've been writing for years and years now and thought eh fuck it why not start posting it.

So here I am. 100% not expecting this to go anywhere but if it does, come give me a shout! I'd love to hear what y'all have to say about it or hear your ideas for fic recommendations.

There isn't a whole lot of plot, just a thought that turned into another and I connected them. Enjoy!

Word Count ~ 7,523

Warnings ~ Language, blood, hurt/comfort, fluff, violence/fighting, lets all pretend that you can winnow inside the House of Wind for a sec pls.

Summary ~ You have been encompassed into the Inner Circle after the Spring Court went to shit. During a dry stead between the Queens and Hybern, Azriel was sent on a mission to the Mortal Lands to see what was going on. There is little he can do to hide his rather harsh expedition. Set during ACOWAR, you provide a level of comfort for the shadowsinger that no one else is capable of.

~~~~~

All of us are sitting around the House of Wind, relaxing after another brutal day of training. I had been with Cassian, Mor with Rhysand and Feyre, Amren off doing Amren things. Azriel was… nowhere to be found.

It’s been a few days since anyone has heard from him. We know he’s been spying in the Queen’s territory, but to not have a check in or for him to not come home to rest for days on end is concerning.

But what makes my gut churn is the smell of blood coming from upstairs.

Azriel’s blood.

Rhys and Cass get a whiff of their brothers' carnage and exchange a worried look with me. The three of us winnow up to his room and knock on his door.

“Az?” Cass says softly.

No response.

“Azriel, it’s Rhys, open the door,” Rhysand knocks a little harsher than Cassian had.

No response. They can hear his labored breathing and groans, and the smell of blood. They didn’t bother to knock a third time. When his door unlocked on a phantom wind, the sight was horrifying. Az peered over his shoulder at the curse coming from Cass, and shook his head.

“I don’t want visitors,” he mumbled, trying to stand, but failing to do so. Rhys and Cassian rushed to his side, helping him sit back down. I remained in the doorway. Staring at his wings.

They were a little mangled to say the least. Cuts and scratches littered the delicate leather, some puncture wounds oozed trickles of blood and puss.

“What in the name of the Cauldron happened?” Cassian demanded from the shadowsinger.

“Tree snare, Mortal lands are littered with them,” He groaned. “I’m fine, please just- please leave.”

He never begged quite like that before. The desperation was a foreign thing to his tongue. He tried to straighten his spine, but it did no such thing. He hissed at the jarring of his wings, and settled into the curves of his hunched over position.

He looked awful.

“Az, we can’t just leave you like this. We can get Madja in here-”

“No,” he plead again, tone more harsh than the last. “No… leave. I don’t want any help.”

Typical of Az to say such a thing. The quiet, reserved male was always so adamant about doing things on his own he forgot that sometimes it’s better to ask for help than to suffer in silence. Especially when it comes to such a delicate and sensitive body part.

But alas, the two brothers nodded, stepping around the third and heading to the door. I moved out of their way, but not with them. I just continue to stare at his toned, berated back.

“Yn…” he called out. “Don’t make me beg you too.”

I stiffened.

I knew how hard this must be for him. To turn down his friends, to turn down aid. I don’t know Azriel very well, not like the others did after spending five centuries with him. But maybe that would… I don’t know

“I won’t say anything,” I promised. “Just let me clean you up, is all I’m asking.”

He sighed heavily, hanging his head in his hands, but he nodded. I quickly shut the door behind me and moved to the bathroom. Under his sink there was a little brown pouch with all kinds of medical supplies. I grabbed some towels and a bowl of hot water appeared by his feet. When I walked back into the main area, he had his chin fastened on his fist, looking out the big window.

I stood next to him laying the open bag next to him so I could rummage through it. There were some wipes, some bandages and some thick cloth pads. I ripped open as many as I thought I needed and began to apply pressure to the wounds on his arms and shoulders.

Az held a few while I drenched a cloth with the warm water and began to clean off the dirt and sap.

He didn’t even seem to breathe, to even blink as I ran the cloth up and down his right arm, ditching it on the floor when it was too dirty to continue. I repeated my steps until the majority of him was clean. The bleeding had stopped for the most part and I applied an adhesive pad to the area to keep it covered. I couldn’t smell any infection on them so it was okay to conceal the wounds. Had there been a sticky, yellow goo then they would need to drain.

Then I looked at his wings.

They weren’t shredded, but they were not in good condition by any means. They looked so painful.

I silently moved to the opposite side of the bed, kneeling into the mattress and spreading out more supplies.

“I-” he started, “please be gentle…”

“Of course,” I nodded, resting my hand on his shoulder to try and get them to relax. They sagged a bit, but didn’t stay there long. The second my fingers grazed the smooth flesh, he jumped.

“Sorry, sorry,” I mumbled, retracting my hands. “What hurts?”

“No, no it’s not painful, just very sensitive, I’ll try to hold still,” he apologized, displaying his wings, stretching them out all the way as if to brace them against the bed. They were massive. And most of the small cuts and snags littered the top and middle of the span, not towards the bottom.

“This might sting a little, if it’s too much, tell me, and I’ll stop.”

He nodded, clutching the tops of his knees. His breathing was hard as I dabbed the first cotton ball to the sore area. It had been rubbed raw from Mother knows what.

There had to be hundreds of them, if not a thousand scrapes and scratches. But they all didn’t need tending to, they would heal just fine. There were a few that I was concerned about and applied something to keep the bacteria from spreading.

I gently slid my hand to his shoulder, pressing it down from his ear, telling him it was okay, that he was alright.

He listened, settling down. I knew he must be in a lot of pain. There wasn’t much that I could’ve done beside what I did, but I did as much as I could to ease the tension. I summoned another rag and gently cleaned the skin on his back, wiping the mud baked onto his skin. Az relaxed more at that.

“I know it’s not really my place to ask, but if you would like to share what happened, I will patiently listen, Azriel. If not, I’ll enjoy the silence with you,” I offered, my hands coming to his shoulders, massaging the thick muscle.

He groaned in satisfaction, dipping his head forward and sagging downward. His arms slumped to his side as I drove my knuckle between the fibrous strands. Az ground his teeth, breathing with every knot I worked from his body. I drove my thumb in and around the base of his wings, careful not to brush against them.

Cassian had once told how sensitive Illyrian wings were. Why they were so sensitive. It made my cheeks blush, which I was taunted for endlessly.

Azriel sucked in a breath.

I had been too busy thinking about all the things Cass and Rhys had teased me with and my thumb slipped, brushing the delicate nerves at the base of his spine. I could see the goosebumps etch his bronze skin.

“S-Sorry,” I stuttered, fingers trembling, struggling to resume. “Do you need anything else? Can I get you something to drink or eat?”

I stood before he had a chance to say otherwise. I didn’t, truly didn’t, mean to brush over the hyper-sensitive area.

Azriel just looked up at me with full eyes. They looked like strangers, not the deep, fierce set of hazel that I had come to know. They were like the shadows that whispered in his ear. There hadn’t been a glimpse of them in the hour or so that I’d been here tending to him. It’s as if they’ve vanished.

His eyes were bright, filled with his pupils in a way that made him seem feline. Like a true predator hunting in the pit of night.

“I…” Az started, swallowing hard before his eyes darted between mine. “Will you stay? Please?”

He reached his hand to grab mine, and I let him, his warm, scarred hands engulfing mine. I nodded precisely, a smile playing on my lips. He seemed to deflate then, a weight being lifted off his shoulders and he dragged me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head against my stomach.

I let my arms fall over his shoulders, the strands of his inky black hair finding its way into my fingers. I tangled it between my digits gently, letting the soft curls form as I brushed them away, repeating the process.

I had no idea how long we stayed there for, but enough for the once dimly lit room to ignite with fae light as the sun set over the Sidra.

Azriel began to tug me closer. I had no choice but to crawl into his lap, letting my weight rest over one of his legs as he clung to me.

I didn’t dare try and break this moment.

I nestled into the dip between his shoulder and neck, letting my eyes lull shut as his warm body did the same. I let my thumbs brush against the smooth skin on the back of his shoulder, wanting to press a kiss there, but… not my place, I reminded myself.

I had always cared for the Illyrian more than the others had. Was always the one wondering if what his shadows were whispering were things to him or about him. I knew he had a traumatic pass, and I knew he suffered a great deal during the early years of his immortal life, but things were… they weren’t great, but we were in a lull. With Hybern. Things were stalled so we took this time to cut back.

Not Az. He was always spying somewhere, reporting on new territories siding with us or the King, but nothing more. We all knew he needed a break, but never took one. It was frustrating.

He shifted on the bed, then I felt a gust of wind encase my body.

His wings enveloped me entirely.

I had not expected it. I was shocked to say the least. I tensed for a moment, and he must have sensed it because he began to retreat.

“No, no” I said, adjusting myself on his muscular thigh for a moment. “Put them back.”

He answered with the leathery wings covering us completely. I settled into the warmth, the soft scent they admitted. I had never felt so safe in my entire life, so completely safe and comforted.

I didn’t know a lot about Illyrian tradition since I had been encompassed into the inner circle, but I knew enough that it was a great honor to see a pair of wings up close, let alone touch them. If he had let me do that, gods only knew what this meant.

I felt a tear hit my shirt. I heard him sniffle, then hiccup in a breath.

“Azriel…” I breathed out slowly, gripping him tighter as he clung to me, the sobs wracking through his body. He gasped for a breath every now and then, the tears falling faster with every breath.

He cried for a long while. I wasn’t even sure if he knew how to do that. To cry, to be vulnerable with anyone.

“It’s okay, Az, I’m here, I’m right here Az it’s okay,” I soothed, twisting his hair around my fingers once again. His breathing seemed to even out at that, sobs reduced to trickling tears and sniffles.

I didn’t know what to do.

I didn’t know what to say.

Thankfully, he spoke. “I don’t know what you did, Yn… but you made the shadows go away. It is so quiet without their roar in my ear. In my bones… everything is silent. There are no whispers, no murmurs of potential threat. It is all quiet.”

My heart thundered in my chest so hard I thought it might break my rib cage. There were no words to describe the feeling in my body. I gripped him even tighter.

His hands stroked up and down my sides, gently nudging me to pull off. I did, meeting his glossy eyes and tear stained cheeks. His hand ever so gently came up to my face, fingers barely touching the surface of my skin as he looked into my eyes. So deep I thought he might see my thoughts.

“Thank you,” was all he said. I nodded and smiled, tucking the hair behind his ears. “Besides Madja and my own mother, I have never let anyone touch my wings. Not even Rhys or Cassian. They are… my entire world. The most prized possession any Illyrian could hoist. They are my ticket to anywhere in the world and I let you touch them without a second thought.”

My eyes had widened at that.

“In 500 years,” I gaped, “you’ve never let either of them touch your wings? Once?”

He shook his head, “Never. It is a privilege that few get to experience. Typically just mothers to their newborns, but once you learn to fly, you’re old enough to take care of them on your own. It becomes our responsibility to keep them safe and keep them clean. Of course there may be a medical need, but other than that, they are not to be touched. Only mates have that sacred right.”

My heart clenched.

I’ve only been a part of this group since the middle of the war. I had left the Spring Court when Feyre had planted those lies. They spread to my territory and we all went our separate way. For the better. I chose to come and fight for what we all knew was right. I can’t say the same for the rest of my family.

I had managed to hitch a few rides to Summer, right before Adrita was attacked. I fought alongside them, and none of them knew that I was from Spring besides Feyre. She had recognized me for the Tithe. We instantly connected and she offered me sanctuary with them while we fought against Hybern. I had exceptional knowledge of the Spring Court and The Wall, of who was going where and when.

When we came back to Velaris, I was introduced to Amren, who just briefly looked up from that book, took a sip from a gauntlet, gave me a cold once-over, and went right back to the book.

Nesta was much the same.

Elain hadn’t said much either, just asked me if I knew anything about the human lands. I was later informed on her betrothed. It made my heart hurt.

Mor was undoubtedly my best friend. She really helped me get settled here in Velaris. She was the one to pick me up time and time again when I didn’t think I could go on.

Rhysand was more of a gentleman than anyone painted him to be, especially all those years Under The Mountain. He was not a hostile homicidal maniac like Amarantha had painted for him. He was gentle, and kind, only being capable of those horrible things when he needed to be.

Cassian was… well, Cassian. Big, strong, charming as ever. Dumber than a pile of rocks but a brute of a man nonetheless. He was my other best friend. My go-to drinking buddy and my favorite person to beat at cards. I would come with him and Nesta to Windhaven. He was not merciful.

And then there was Azriel. He rarely spoke when he wasn’t prompted. He kept to himself, to those shadows, and wasn’t one for conversation. I had only spoken to him three or four times. Most of them during the war, once during Solstice to give him his gift. It was usually just… so, between us.

Until now.

Until he let me touch his wings.

Could it have been a possibility that-

As if he knew what I was thinking, “I didn’t know how to bring it up to you, Yn. I didn’t want to at first, cause I didn’t think you felt anything. Any type of bond. And I certainly didn’t want to bring it up right in the middle of the war, risk death, and then leave you alone forever. I couldn’t bring myself to leave you with that type of pain.”

My eyes stung. My heart thundered. Every fiber in my body became aware of just how close I was to him. I took in a deep breath, eyes blinking rapidly.

“If you… I don’t know if that is what you want,” he hesitated. “If I am what you want, but you are everything I’ve ever needed, Yn. You are the sunshine to my dark and hazy life. The only thing that can make my deep, roaring shadows disappear. Completely. It is calm and utterly silent when you are near. And when I get to hold you… Cauldron Yn, it is like a fresh breath of air. Like a torrential rain to my wildfire. It hasn’t been this quiet inside my body since the day I was born.”

There was nothing I could do to stop the tears from flowing. They hit the clothing between us, saturating the fabric and then drying. I didn’t know what to say. And I could tell that was killing him, my silence. He tensed beside me, gripping my arms a little tighter.

“Yn” he breathes, so softly. So gently than anyone ever had.

I looked into his eyes, finding them to be so much more breathtaking than I did a little while ago.

“I don’t know what to say, Azriel,” I chuckled lightly. “I’m shocked, I just thought that you and Mor…”

“No,” he shook his head adamantly, “Not us. Not ever, I’m afraid. I spent a long time trying to… coax her, but she never budged. I decided I needed to look for someone else. For you.”

I smiled greatly.

“Stay with me, tonight,” he grabbed both of my hands, placing kisses to each of them before folding them against his heart. “Let me give this to you, slowly, at your own pace. It is yours, Yn. It always has been. Let it be yours, if you choose.”

His eyes, glowing and begging me to say something. When he pressed his lips to my hands, I could feel my chest tighten in a way it hadn’t before, constrict around itself until it let loose and erupted from within. Everything I had hoped for, spent countless hours dreaming of, pestering my mother about stories of when she found out my father was her mate, came true at that moment.

An unrelenting pull in his direction, a deceptively overwhelming feeling of trust and sureness that seemed to never end crashed through me. It was like I was looking at him for the first time. Like I opened my eyes and the first images I was blessed with seeing were of him, of Azriel, this shadowsinger and spymaster of the Night Court.

A piece of a puzzle locked into place, one that I hadn’t even known existed yet. And here it was, front and center in my mind, so clear it almost blinded me.

All I could do was smile. Smile and nod my head as I watched his teeth flash before he wrapped me up in his arms. He giggled, tossing me over his shoulder and rolling me around on his enormous bed. I laughed and laughed, letting him pepper my skin with kisses.

“You have no idea how long I have waited for this, Yn,” He sighed, propping himself up on one elbow, clutching my fingers in the other. “How long I have needed a mate.”

“I think I might have an idea,” I smiled, tucking some hair behind his ear. He rolled his eyes, scooping me up and laying me on top of his chest.

Cauldron knows how long we stayed like that for, just talking and smiling at each other, kissing every now and then. When I grew too tired to keep my head up, his wings encased me again, that soft, musky scent circling around me.

“Rest, my Yn,” he whispered, his arms coming around my waist. “We can talk all day tomorrow.”

+++++++

The sun made him look like the most perfect shade of bronze. His dark, inky hair was a mess over his eyes, his tattoos swirling across his shoulders. His wings were still folded around me, keeping my body pressed to his all night long.

Azriel slept, another thing I wasn’t sure he actually knew how to do.

I shifted my legs around, detangling them from his. He groaned, but let them go, only tightening his grip around my torso.

“Az,” I whispered, "we need to get up, training is in an hour.”

“Five more minutes,” he grumbled, tucking his head beneath my chin. The hair on his head smelled like the Sidra; salty and lemony. So calming and soothing. I let him, and myself, have a few more minutes, just basking in each other. But I eventually did have to be the fun killer.

“I’m sure Cassian will understand if you don’t want to train today, but I unfortunately don’t have any excuse. I have to get ready and go eat before I go. Let me up, please.”

He let go reluctantly, making a big huff as I climbed away from him.

I laughed, “You know I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

“Yes, but I wanted to spend this morning with you. I want to spend all my time with you.”

My heart swooned. “Come to breakfast with me. Even if you don’t want to train you can still come and watch.”

Azriel rolled his eyes, but followed me nonetheless. I got changed into my fighting leathers, and Az strolled behind me to the dining room. I greeted everyone like I normally would, as did Azriel. They could instantly tell, because he wore a smile on his lips the entire meal, taking up the empty seat next to me, which normally was Mor’s.

When she strolled in, she gave him a high eyebrow and he shrugged. She looked at me and I had to suck my lips into my mouth to keep from cackling out. I mouthed ‘I'll tell you later’.

When I rose from my seat, so did Azriel, following me into the kitchen.

“When will you be back?” He asked softly, cradling me close.

“By noon, Mor and I have some work we need to do at Rita’s,” I responded, falling into his warmth. “Are you going to be alright here?”

He nodded against my shoulder, “I just don’t want you to go, is all. I’m enjoying the peace and quiet.”

My heart sank at that. I was just happy to offer him at least some moments of rest in his utterly chaotic life. If I was able to give him any sort of relief, I’d stop at nothing to make sure that he has access to it whenever he pleases. Who was I to deny him of that?

He stepped away, pressing his lips into my forehead a few times.

“Have a good training session, please don’t get beat up too bad, I have plans for later,” he smiled, rubbing the sides of my arms.

“Oh?” I tilted my head.

“It’s a surprise, now get going, Cass is waiting for you.”

“Don’t blow a gasket when I come back with bruises from him,” I chuckled.

He straightened, real concern coming into his eyes. “Maybe I should come-”

“No, no I’ll be okay,” I explained. “Cassian has beat my ass more times than I could count and you were able to hold it in. I’ll be fine, it’s never anything too bad anyway, nothing I can’t handle. I'd really rather not see you bash his face in because he got in a couple of good shots.”

That didn’t make it any better. His grip tightened, his eyes narrowed, and his jaw clenched.

“Hey!” Cassian called from down the hall. “Put your lover's quarrel on hold, we gotta go, Yn. If you’re not out here in 30 seconds I’ll make you go up and down the steps every second you’re late.”

I rolled my eyes, impatient bastard.

“I need to go,” I said, removing his hands from my body. “I will come find you when I’m back. Try and relax, okay? I’ll be fine, you know that.”

He just nods briefly before stepping out of the way to let me pass. He caught my elbow at the last second, kissing me so intensely I thought I might fall over. When he let me go, he was smirking like a cat.

++++++

The bond must have already been slipping into place because I could feel this agonizing pull back to the House of Wind. But it also felt like he was right here with me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was spying from the shadows, something for him and I to talk about later.

Cassian and I had gone through our normal workouts, doing footwork drills and some strength training. But of course, even after almost collapsing to the floor himself, he wanted to spar.

“Can’t we just skip it for today?” I begged, rolling my head to look at him.

“Nope,” he said with a grin. “You need more practice, and I know it’ll come in handy against Hybern. If you ever find yourself without a weapon, all you’ll have is your fists. And seeing the look on Az’s face will be priceless.”

“You know,” it wasn’t really a question.

“I’ve known before he has,” Cassian huffed. “I pointed it out to him after about three times of you being near him. His shadows always disappeared and I found him staring at you. He didn’t even realize, said that he hadn’t even noticed things were quiet because he was too busy thinking of you.”

My heart lurched in my chest, filling with pride and triumph. “I don’t know what it is that I do.”

“Nothing,” he shrugged. “That is the whole point of being a mate, things just simply work.”

“I have given it a ton of thought in the past, about what it would feel like to have a mate, to have a bond with someone. It’s… so much different than I expected it to be. I miss him so much more than I thought I would. I thought I’d be able to ignore it, but I can’t.”

“Welcome to having a mate,” Cassian snickered, taking up a fighting stance. I followed suit, circling around him and dodging his blows. I wasn’t lucky enough to escape them all, one particularly hard kick sent me to my knees, and then Cassian was on top of me.

He flatten me like a bug and flipped me on my back. His forearm pressed into my throat, cutting off oxygen. I coughed, blood rushing to my face, my vision darkening.

“Come on, Yn, what have I taught you to do?” he pressed further into my esophagus. I drove my knee as hard as I could into his crotch, causing him to hiss, loosening his grip, faltering.

I smacked him as hard as I could in the face, sending him toppling to the ground. It had been hard, harder than I really meant to. I could see his eyes darken as he rose to his feet, really wanting a challenge now. He started to run towards me, and I braced myself for the impact, but it never came.

I saw a shadow blurr by and Cassian was vaulted 12 feet in the air. He made a dent in the earth as he drove through the soil. In seconds, he was encased in tendril like smoke. One that I recognized all too well.

“Az-”

“I am going to kill you,” the voice was so foreign. Azriel straddled Cassian as he held him up by the collar of his shirt. “How dare you put your hands on my mate.”

I climbed through the ropes of the ring as fast as I could, jumping down and off the platform. I sprinted the distance between us as fast as I could. I screamed his name, but couldn’t hear me over the roar of the shadows.

Before I could get there, Cassian had thrown him off and was ready to fight. The two went at each other so hard I was genuinely worried that Azriel was going to hurt him. I didn’t know what else to do, so I took off towards the townhouse.

I barged in the door, huffing puffing, and red faced as the door smacked off the wall.

“Cauldron alive, Cassian, how many times have I told you not- Yn?” Rhysand’s eyes immediately softened. “Are you alright?” “I was sparring with Cassian and Azriel came out of nowhere,” I rushed, barely able to speak over my labored breathing. “Last night he told me I’m his mate and I think he might actually kill-”

“Oh shit,” Rhys cursed, grabbing my arm and winnowing us both to the sight. They were still scrapping, both bleeding from the face. Azriel looked like an animal, and Cass looked like he was genuinely afraid. I haven’t ever seen him look like this, either of them.

Rhys threw himself in the middle, trying to get Azriel’s attention. He paid no mind to his High Lord, throwing him off his back as he lunged for Cassian again. I went to step in, to try and get his attention but-

“Yn no,” Rhysand shouted from a few feet away. That caught Azriel’s attention quickly. He looked up from where he had Cassian in a chokehold, eyes locking with mine. In a second, he vanished from Cass and appeared behind me. His arms were strong and tight around my middle. A snarl ripped from his chest as Cassian rose to his shaky feet.

His shadows encased us, creating a shield. He took staggering steps back, inhaling and exhaling so hard I thought he might pass out. Rhysand moved to check on his brother, Cassian battering him away as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

“Azriel,” I said through a hurried breath. “Az it’s me, it’s me.”

He inhaled deep, scenting the air, letting out a deep breath. His grip loosened and he said my name like an old forgotten prayer.

The shadows vanished immediately, his heavy body leaning against mine.

“Yn…” he breathed, turning me around. I shrugged his hands off of me, more than pissed at him for barging and attempting to kill his brother.

“Go inside,” I said, turning away from him.

“Yn please-” “I don’t wanna hear it from you,” I shouted, eyes blazing. He took a small step back, ears flattening back against his head, wings tucking in tightly to his body.

“That’s right, shadowsinger, go back-”

“Not another word from you either,” I snarled at Cassian. He, too, jumped in his skin. “You have nothing to brag about either. Don’t you dare put your hands on my mate like that again.”

Silence rippled around us. Rhys lifted his hand, opened his mouth to say something, but the glare I sent him had him scratching the back of his head quickly.

“I swear to the Mother that if anything happens while I’m with Mor at Rita’s, I’ll kick all of your asses myself. And don’t think for a second that I won’t drag Feyre into this either.”

That was more than enough to get the Illyrians to look the other way, words forgotten in their minds. I turned on my heel and grabbed my water from the corner before stalking off down the street to find Mor.

++++++

“He just appeared out of thin air?” Mor’s eyes were wide.

I nodded, “It was like he was waiting for something to happen. He would have killed Cassian, I’m sure of it, if Rhys hadn’t been there, and said my name to snap Az out of it.”

“Sounds like someone needs a little time alone with their new mate,” Mor’s eyebrows waggled on her forehead. I smacked her arm and she boomed a laugh. “I’m just suggesting.”

“It hasn’t even been a day since he told me, Mor, and he’s acting like he owns me. Rhys didn’t dare do this with Feyre,” I shook my head.

“Well,” she countered. “Rhys did almost kill Cassian once.”

“I know, I’ve heard the story a million times,” I sighed. “But that was after the Weaver and all that. They had mated and had time for the bond to be in place. There weren’t any problems until that and Az and I have barely kissed a handful of times. That’s it. How can he be this… territorial?”

“Az is unexplainably protective. Of all of us. Before you came along he was like that with all of us. In a different way, but… he’d never let any of us volunteer before he looked into it or did it himself. It is rooted deep within him, in a way none of us will understand.” “Even so, it doesn’t make it okay for him to do what he did.” “I don’t disagree,” she added, “but just try and understand where he is coming from. Yn, you are the only one who he has come across that can make his head silent. To stop the shadows and the constant whispers. I don’t know about you, but if that were me, I’m sure I’d do everything in my power to make sure nothing ever happens to my peace and quiet.”

+++++

When I came back with More, she bid me good luck before Winnowing herself back down to the Townhouse.

I came to the main dining room, Cassian, Rhysand and Feyre all sitting at the table.

“Okay, what the hell happened today?” Feyre demanded, noticing the bruises on my neck.

“I’m surprised you don’t already know,” I snorted, letting down my shields so she could see it all. She flinched slightly when Az landed a particularly brutal blow to Cassian’s face. It sent blood spewing from his mouth.

“Has anyone seen him?” I asked with a sigh. No one answered, but I heard something. I whipped my head from side to side, this deafening roar in my ears.

“What?” Rhysand asked.

“You all don’t hear that?” I asked, eyes wide as I searched for the thunderous sound. I listened deeper and deeper, not hearing any words. I suddenly felt a chill in my bones so cold I thought I’d freeze right there. There were so many voices and whispers.

I looked up to the set of grand stirs and noticed the shadows lurking at the top.

Azriel…

I sprinted up the stairs, the tendrils leading me down the hall and to his room. When I opened the door, the room was almost pitch black, shadows swirling around and around like an endless storm over the Sidra.

I tried to push my way through, but I rebound off of it like a shield. I tried again, screaming his name. He was in the center. And I had no way of getting to him. I began to panic, shouting for him louder and louder.

Nothing, no response from my shadowshinger. I took a deep breath and shoved my body against the wall, bouncing off of it immediately. I slammed hard against the floor, back groaning as I pushed myself to all fours. I tried to crawl, but it was no use, it flung me back and into the hallway where Ryhs, Cassian, and Feyre were all standing, Mor popping up next to her.

“What the fuck-” Mor gasped, seeing it for herself.

“He’s in there,” I heaved, “Mor I can’t get to him what do I do?”

She was at a loss for words and Rhys slid beside her, taking it all in. He did nothing to hide his wide eyes and frantic look. His own shadows rose and tried to comfort the tempest, but failed. The roar in my ears grew so loud I couldn’t hear whatever Rhysand said to me. I tried to read his lips, follow the bond.

I felt deep inside, it was so cold. If I didn’t know any better I wouldn’t have known anything was there at all. I pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled. I must have screamed because everyone around me flinched. I went slack against the wall and covered my ears, calling out for Azriel. Begging for him to come to me.

A flicker. I felt a flicker of warmth in my chest. Against my soul, I felt a tug, as if he too was pulling on the same thread that ties us together. I pulled faster and faster until I slammed into something so hard I gasped.

It was rock solid, something so impenetrable, like magic itself. I beat on it with everything I had, prying at it with my whole being until it began to give away. I tore this wall apart, it grew warmer and warmer-

She doesn’t want a mate, she doesn’t want me…

There is no meaning if I do not have her to protect, she doesn’t want me to protect her.

Useless, dumb, bastard born Illyrian filth.

Rhysand and Cassian should have left you in that acid bath and left you to dissolve into nothing. They should not have saved someone so vain and cowardly.

These were not my thoughts, but they sure felt like it. I looked towards the swirling wind and shadow, finally seeing Azriel at the center, crumbled to the floor, hands over his ears.

“Azriel,” I shouted. He didn’t move.

“What’s happening?” Rhysand asked, helping me to stand on my feet.

“I-I don’t know I just felt this rush of thoughts and now I can see him but he can’t hear me,” I felt the tears in my eyes. He looked around, as if searching for his own thoughts, but then he stood rigid, throwing a glance at Cassian. They seemed to share a thought before Rhys turned back to me.

“Speak in your mind,” he said hurriedly. “You have to talk to him in your mind.”

“Wha-”

“Just do it,” he urged, and I turned back to face the raging storm.

Azriel… I whispered.

I watched him flinch, hand bracing on the corner of his bed. His eyes and cheeks were wet with tears when they met mine.

Yn…

Az you have to take this down so I can get to you, I begged, it’s too strong for me to get through let me in.

He went silent.

Az please let me in. I can make the shadows go away, remember? I can make all of this go away, you just have to calm it down enough for me to get to you.

I can’t.

Why?

I am the shadows, and they are me.

“What is he saying?” Rhysand asked.

“He just said he can't tame them, that he is the shadows and they are him,” I shook my head, threading my fingers in my hair. “I can help him but I can’t get to him.”

“Do you trust me?” he asked, eyes wary.

“With my life, High Lord,” I said, because it was true.

He grabbed my hand and the familiar hollowness of winnowing encased me. He tried to drop me right next to Az, but it seemed to be warded. I was instantly flung away from him and hit the wall so hard I saw stars. Feyre came to my side immediately as the bright light in the hallway dimmed.

I forced myself up and boiled with rage. How dare he, my mate, keep me from him. I trudged forward, a small limp to my gate but I kept on pressing, despite the protests from behind me. I came to the whirling wind and shadow, staring at it.

I placed my palm against it and closed my eyes.

I know this is you, shadowsinger. These shadows, this wall… but it is not Azriel, not my mate. He would never keep me away. He’d want me right next to him, holding him as we weather this storm together. I know you are one in the same, and I know I make you go away and you are angry. He is the shadows, and you are him. I am his mate, meaning he is a part of me. I am the sun that casts the shadows you need. I am the maker of your shadows. Without one there cannot be another, without my mate there is no one to harness your strength. Let me in, let me cast the sunshine so that your shadows may sing once again.

There was almost a noise of discontent before the roar in my ear withered away. It disbanded like fog in the early spring mornings. The wind and shadows misted away, the room and hallway no longer swirling in a veil of darkness.

In the center of the room shook Azriel, arms trembling as he looked around at the sudden brightness.

I didn’t know I even gave my feet permission to move until I was collapsing into his lap. I hiccuped a sob so hard I thought my lungs burst open.

Azriel buried his face into my neck, breath just as ragged. I cried uncontrollably, crushing him with my arms, I’m sure.

I felt warmth and tenderness encase my body. I felt a tap against my shields and I let them down, welcoming Az’s shadows without a second thought. His thoughts became mine, and vice versa. There wasn’t a part of us in that moment that wasn’t connected. Our minds, our hearts, our souls seemed to tangle in each other.

It must’ve been a long while before we detangled because everyone had left.

I, begrudgingly, pulled myself from him, sitting up to look at his tear stained face.

“Don’t you dare do something like that ever again,” I breathed, resting my forehead against his.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be that harsh with Cassian-”

“What?” I asked, brows knitting together. “No no no, not that, whatever the hell that shadow wall was.”

“You’re not mad at me for beating the shit out of Cassian?” He asked, equally as confused.

“Well,” I sighed. “I’m not happy about it, but for the love of the Mother if you ever shut me out like that again, when I break through, I will kill you.”

It was a promise so deep even he knew it was true. He just nodded, kissing both of my cheeks before my lips.

“I’m sorry, Yn,” a tear trickled down my face. “I saw Cassian choking you and on top of you and it blinded me with a rage so unexplainable. I don’t even remember doing it. It was an afterthought by the time I came out of it. And you looked so infuriated at me I just- I panicked. It had been so quiet for a good while it was like I forgot about the shadows entirely and they took over my being. It was so foreign and strange and they rained down upon me with such vengeance-”

“I know, I know,” I said, combing his hair with my fingers. “We… had a talk. We came to an agreement.”

“Agreement? A bargain?” he asked, a little concerned.

I shook my head, “no, not a bargain. We just saw eye to eye on things. A favor, I guess you could call it.” I let the words I had once spoken filter into his mind. Azriel had this starry look in his eyes when the words were over with.

“You talked to the shadows…” he said, a smile tugging at the corner of his lip. “H-How did you-”

“Rhys tried to winnow me to you but it must’ve been warded because the next thing that I knew was the wall against my back,” I hissed as his hands crept up my shoulder. His touch was featherlight as he examined, lifting up my shirt to reveal the bruises forming along my spine.

“Yn… Yn I am so sorry I hurt you…” his eyes feel so dark, I worried for a second that another tempest was coming.

“No, Azriel look at me,” I grabbed his face between my hands and made him look up at me. “This was not your fault. You and the shadows are not the same thing. You two, like I said, may share the same being, but you are not your shadows. You are Azriel, my Azriel.”

The color came back to his eyes almost instantly. There was a new set of tears in his face as he landed on my chest, arms tightening around my waist.

“Thank you, Yn… for seeing me, not just the shadows.”

#ally writes #praying that the tags will bring me some traction #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x female!reader #acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #acowar #acotar fandom #a court of thorns and roses #sjm #rhysand #cassian acotar #feyre archeron #writing #writeblr

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theminecraftbee · 1 year ago

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you know, what with both guess the author and the au fest big bang ending recently, there are a LOT of great new fics out there, i bet! also it's been a bit since i've done a lot of hc fic reading, so... hey hermitblr and also adjacent fandoms (trafficblr, for example), got any fic recs?

i'll start with three fics i've been reading recently:

i'm like very behind currently on writing_and_worrying's comms au, but it's an EXCELLENT fic that makes really fun use of the medium! i'm not sure how to describe it other than "the comms logs of an increasingly tangled knot of sci-fi horror". it's great.

speaking of aufest: i read Tangotek Evil Incorporated by onawhimsicot and it's a spectacularly fun fic! in which tango is a very ridiculous cartoon supervillain who has to go rescue his nemesis, jimmy, with help from jimmy's partner, grian. made me laugh out loud a few times. big recommend.

finally, snake's always gonna be one of my favorite hermitcraft writers, and i've been reading Lost On a Starlit Sea lately to prove it again. in which iskall and zedaph are astronauts who go on a mission that appears to be going quickly awry thanks to secrets being kept from them. looks very fun!

however, that's only three fics out of the MANY MANY that have been posted lately - y'all got any fic recs you'd like to share? i'd love to hear them! i'll reblog any lists that get put on here but also i'm hoping there are a lot of suggestions in the notes. (also, feel free to promo yourself or if, say, you were on a big bang team, feel free to promo the author you worked with for that!)

#hermitcraft #trafficblr #hopefully those tags. get it to people who would appreciate this?#anyway i'm just in a mood. i want some fic recs. no guarantee i read all of them but i also wanna PROMO some fic recs you know #so let's go!

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jack-o-phantom · 7 months ago

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I just noticed I reached 13k as an audience, and THAT'S insane in itself but I need to purge a lot of bot accounts.

Here is my warning for those who are new!! Get a pfp!! Make a description for yourself!!

But to those who are staying, what should I do to celebrate first? I'll make a list based on 1,2, then 3. Currently I'll be busy for quite a bit and I want to reach out to my followers :)!!

If you have any suggestions, recommend them!! ^^ I'd love to hear what y'all want to say

#// poll #jack rambles #Still i hope in the future most of my followers do interact with my post <:D #the ratio is off #but that's okay #I'll celebrate what i have

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yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt · 7 months ago

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how does the 2022 movie shit on the novel?? (I love the 2022 movie and haven’t read the book)

Hiii so first off I wanna thank you for this ask from the bottom of my heart because this story is deeply important to me and I've been seething about it for two years straight and now I finally have an excuse to talk at length about the problem without sounding (completely) unhinged. I'd also like to clarify that I'm not mad at you or anyone else for liking this movie especially if you haven't read the book. I actually think that as a standalone film, it's pretty phenomenal. The acting, cinematography, and soundtrack are really on point. The problem isn't that it's a bad movie, it's that it's a bad and seemingly purposefully disrespectful adaptation.

So now I'll get into why (buckle up). As my followers know, War Movie Commentary is not typically the focus of this blog so uhhhh sorry y'all we'll be back to your regularly scheduled brainrot soon enough, but if any of you care deeply for literature or history or the history of war, or are familiar with this book or movie, I urge you to hear me out. Sorry, It's long. I kinda ran with it lmfao

So the first and most important thing to be aware of when discussing the disrespect of this adaptation is that, while it is not technically an explicit memoir, All Quiet on the Western Front is not a work of fiction. Everything that happens is based on something either the author or a soldier he interviewed really experienced. The main character is based on the author himself. Remarque's middle name was Paul before he changed it, he entered the German military at the same age as Paul, he had a passion for writing and poetry like Paul (a passion which if I recall correctly was omitted from the movie, but my memory may be off) and several of the things that Paul experiences are directly taken from his own life. While it is not explicitly a memoir, it is a collection of the real lived experiences of these soldiers, put to page in the form of a story with names changed. I think it is inherently disrespectful to dramatically change the events of a true story, but the way in which the 2022 movie went about it somehow took it further than just that.

So one thing you should know if you haven't read the book, which I HIGHLY recommend, Remarque wrote a preface to the book that was included in all the movies EXCEPT this one, and it states the exact purpose of the story. this is quoted from memory,

“This book is to be neither an accusation nor a confession, and least of all an adventure, for death is not an adventure to those who come face to face with it. It will simply seek to tell the story of a generation of men who, while they may have survived the shells, were destroyed by the war.”

He explicitly did not want it to be sensational, or “an adventure.” He wanted to tell real stories about real people, and all those stories were scrapped in favor of what we got. If you remove maybe two scenes and changed the title and character names, the film would not even be recognizable. How can you (not you the asker but the general you) do that to real people's lived experiences? How can you disgrace the author’s wishes like that? The book takes a humanistic approach. You learn about these people, you care about them. You spend time with them goofing off in boot camp, hassling newbies in the trenches, playing cards in the latrines, you see Paul go home and you see how his time at home affects him. How his father parades him around, how he lost interest in everything that once made him happy, how he sees Russian POWs and knows that they are just like him, how his mother, dying of cancer, strokes his hair and cries when she thinks he is asleep because she knows her baby has been lying when he said that things were fine, and he's going back into that hell.

I cannot go into everything the movie portrayed differently to the book because I would have to just copy and paste practically the entire script lol. And having differences isn't inherently a bad thing! Both other movies added or removed or slightly altered a scene here and there. But there are two specific scenes, at the beginning and at the end, that I think are the most indicative of this movie’s failure and disrespect.

In the beginning of the book, which is not told in chronological order, we are introduced to the main friend group and find out that their friend is dying in the infirmary. They visit him, they crack jokes and tell him he's lucky he'll be going home, but he's obviously not improving. He is unaware that his leg has been amputated. One of them asks for his boots, since he has nice military boots, for when he “goes home”, and the others kind of shut him up. Later they discuss how they all know Franz is dying. Paul reminisces about Franz, how he was always timid, how his mother made Paul promise to protect him. He goes to visit Franz again, and he's doing real bad. The author describes in detail how you can see the death in his face. He is now aware his leg was amputated. He wistfully tells Paul that he wanted to be a forester when he grew up, and now he never will. Paul tries to reassure him that “prosthetics are great these days!” (This was written in 1920 lmao) and insists Franz will go home. Franz asks “Do you think so?” And then when Paul remains insistent, he quietly replies, “I don't think so.” He tells Paul to give their friend his boots. Paul sits in silence with him, foreheads pressed together, watching as his friend slowly dies from infection. His internal monologue is distressed about the orderlies ignoring them. “I want to grab them and I want to scream, ‘his name is Franz Kemmerich, he is nineteen years old, he doesn't want to die, don't let him die!’” As he hits in silence until the end. All these characters are emphasized to be nineteen years old.

This is the most important scene in the book. It sets the tone for the whole rest of the story and happens very early on.

Meanwhile in the movie, an unnamed character who we vaguely see hanging around Paul gets instantly blown to shrapnel and his severed leg gets blown off and Paul finds it, cries for 8 seconds, and we move on.

So that's a pretty big failure, I would say. This was the point in the movie I started getting a real bad feeling.

So that's the beginning, now the ending which, while it is the insulting cherry on top of the disrespect pie, I cannot get over how absolutely ridiculous this film ending is. First of all, the whole bit with the military officials? Not in the book at all. That big end battle after the armistice for literally no reason? Yeah, that didn't happen. I don't know how the writers forgot that you cannot completely fabricate an entire battle in a film about an actual war that really happened. And what disgusted me was they have Paul die in a vicious killing spree, bashing heads in, storming the trench (in this fake battle that didn't happen) stabbing people, shooting people, strangling people, throwing bombs, going nuts, getting nearly DROWNED IN SHIT WATER. Need I remind you this was the self-insert of the author who they had doing this? I get what they were trying to to do, show how an innocent non-violent guy got “broken” by the war but that is not faithful to the story. It borders on fetishizing violence, which as previously mentioned was the exact OPPOSITE of what the author directly stated that he wanted his work to be perceived.

Paul did what he had to do, but he was never sadistic and never liked killing and certainly never went on a killing spree. Again, this is meant to represent the AUTHOR.

So how does he die in the book? It's where the title comes from. “He fell in October, 1918 on a day that was so quiet and still on the whole front, that the army report confined itself to a single sentence: All Quiet on the Western Front. Turning him over one saw that he could not have suffered long. His face bore an expression of calm, as though almost glad the end had come.”

Bit of a different picture, innit? Look, I don't mind movies being different to books, I don't particularly mind this movie as it stands on its own, but it chewed up, shat out, and stomped on Remarque's legacy and it absolutely devastates me to know how he would feel if he saw what they did to his story. The rage I feel on the behalf of a person who just wanted to tell his real story is unfathomable.

#all quiet on the western front #all quiet on the western front 2022 #aqtwf 2022 #history #literature #war movies #erich maria remarque #world war i #aqtwf

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st-hedge · 1 year ago

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do you have any recommendations for ganlink fics? set in totk is preferred, but if you have any recs set in different games i'd love to hear about those too! ive been on the hunt for some good ones recently, but i haven't been able to find any i really enjoy ;-;

i have a fic rec list here for ganlink: https://www.tumblr.com/st-hedge/719200231068237824/

i dont think any of them are totk, but a bunch of them are botw. i tried to list ones most of y'all would probably not know

ive not updated the list in a while cuz i havent really been reading fics much

#ask hedge #ganlink #i specifically tagged that post fic rec list so i could find it again #but when i searched it on my own fucking account it would not bring it up

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bellaxgiornata · 10 months ago

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hey there! if you’re looking for some more fun ask questions, maybe 11, 32, and 42? (if you can’t tell, i really adore your writing and trust your judgement so am super interested in which of your own fics you recommend the most as well as any other writers or fics you like) thank you!

I am still open to answering this and I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to respond! I like to try to be thorough in my responses. And thank you so much 😭❤️ That means so much to hear about my writing, it's something I'm very passionate about. Hearing that it's appreciated means a lot! ❤️

As for fics of my own to recommend, I think most of y'all already know about Falling for the Devil when it comes to Matty. And for those who enjoy that series, you'd probably also enjoy The Devil at Your Window. For those who enjoy sexual tension and smut for Matt, I'll toot my horn about Break the Tension. It's not my usual Matt x Reader fic but I think it's been fun to write a Matt who's kind of a desperate asshole (for reasons which will eventually make sense).

For Mikey I'd recommend Safe Haven because it's a series full of plot and surprises. Plus who doesn't want to share a bedroom window with Mikey??

As for Frank I'd recommend either of my series': Neighbors or You're Safe With Me. Both are fun and have/will have suspense!

As for the questions you asked, I'll answer them below the cut because this is going to be a long post 😅

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

I notoriously haven't read much in the past year because I have limited free time and cannot seem to stop writing long enough to focus on reading (something I am sure will change once I have a newborn in a few months and am awake at all hours of the night...). But I love these stories and even though I am not caught up on necessarily all of them, I know many things that are planned for them/have happened and I have read many screenshots as these fics have been written!

And Then I Met You by @souliebird

Cooking Up Love by @loveroftoomanyfandoms

Cadence by @she-likesorchids AKA @theradioactivespidergwen

(Hopefully all the links are correct because I am trying to write this on my phone 😅)

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers

There are SO many wonderful writers here on tumblr so picking just 3 is honestly impossible. I literally can't so I'll just list a handful of writers I've actually been able to read some works from and have enjoyed here on tumblr (and that I can think of off the top of my head) who write for Matt, Michael, and/or Frank (and possibly even vamp Henry):

@she-likesorchids

@souliebird

@loveroftoomanyfandoms

@mattmurdocksscars

@sunflowersandsapphires

@shiorimakibawrites

@mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment

@yarrystyleeza

@itwasthereaminuteago

@pastafossa

@peterman-spideyparker

(There's absolutely more and I apologize for my brain blanking, plus the list of writers on my TBR list is huge 😅)

@farfromstrange

@courtforshort15

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

An Ode to a Coat by @pastafossa

YES EVERYONE GO READ IT. As long as you're over 18 of course because it's smutty goodness.

#bella answers #ask game #fics i recommend #some great fic writers i enjoy here on tumblr #im absolutely forgetting a few unfortunately

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sydney-the-faithful · 11 months ago

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Welcome to my blog!

Hello! I'm Sydney, it's a pleasure to meet you :) I started this account mainly to scroll & look around, but it seems to have been passed around school as a "good way to contact me"? Um. With my busy schedule, I don't post as much as I'd like to, but feel free to send a message!

I'm a library assistant & spend most of my time out-of-school either at the temple, or helping my father with his shop. When I'm able to find free time, I like to hear people discuss books and share aesthetic photo posts on here :) It isn't often, but it's a joy nonetheless. You know what they say, "There's no rest for the pious!" ^^

P.S.: (Because I've been getting asks about it...) Please, don't send me messages complaining about your books being overdue. You know the rules, there's really nothing I can do about it unless you want to get the headmaster involved.

Thanks!

Main Tags for Organization: #sydney_speaks — All of my thoughts in one place! ((1st person POV. In-character responses. Sydney replies/makes the posts.)

#sydney_scenarios — ((3rd person POV. Allows scenarios, highlights in-person rp scenes instead of having Sydney solely communicate through Tumblr. Also, gives a more in-depth view of their thoughts/feelings/actions.))

#personal — About me! Deeper, more interpersonal thoughts & feelings.

#recommended to me — Books, poems, songs & other pieces of media that I've been requested to check out :)

#library inquiries — For those too shy to talk to me in person, I suppose.

#+love — ((+Lust?)) Posts that I find endearing <3

#+corruption — A stockpile of suggestive posts that are sorted for later to be discussed in the confessional. ...Or ignored entirely. #destructive confessions — Categorizes my more... depraved anons? Mostly those who want to be harmed/harm me.

#((ooc)) — ((out of character. Thoughts, ramblings, & account updates from yours truly!))

More out-of-character info under the cut! Please read!

This is a roleplay blog run by @macabrecravings! The character I write for is Sydney the Faithful from Degrees of Lewdity. Please DNI if you are under 18!

Mainly, I run this blog as masc Sydney but absolutely feel free to refer to them as any gender w/ any body parts. Doesn't matter much to me, I'm just here to have a silly time writing for them!

Starting off, I intend to portray faithful Sydney, if y'all end up corrupting them that would be really fun to see :P

You can roleplay in any style! Whether that be plainly asking them questions to answer, sending in full fledged scenarios/traditonal roleplay, etc. I'll gladly take them all and reply as best I can!

Some responses may be ooc, but I'll try my best! This is just a random blog anyway, don't take it too seriously. Not trying to overwrite canon here, LOL.

If I'm uncomfortable with a certain ask, I'll most likely just delete or ignore it! So, be free! Send whatever! You'll never know unless you try :D

*OC/In character interactions are open and encouraged!!

(Last edited: April 3th, 2024.)

#sydney_speaks #sydney_scenarios #personal #recommended to me #library inquiries #+love #+corruption #destructive confessions #((ooc))

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ca77um-ilo77 · 1 year ago

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alright you have me convinced!! what should i know before i watch indycar next season??

yooo i'm so glad i convinced you!! this is a pretty long post, and is kind of all-over the place. i tried to break it up by general topic, but i'm adding randomly as i think, so just a warning. i'll add some info links i like at the bottom. (if you or anyone wants to talk indy or f1, asks or dms are so very welcome, i love making friends <3)

one thing about indy is unlike in basically every else, many cars look very different even when on the same team as well as special liveries that are nothing like their normal ones, so i'd recommend getting the indycar app (it's free and user friendly once you figure out the weird layout) as it has a spotter's guide. it also has onboard cameras and radios for free (!!!!).

indycar is (usually) a pretty friendly sport, but as is the case with american sports, we like chaos, so the drivers can pretty much say anything except swear words lol. there's a few different clips of drivers threatening each other, which is great. id say most drivers are friends or at least acquaintances, expect santino ferrucci (huge bigot, pay driver, got kicked out of f2 for extremely dirty driving, and i personally hate his hair) and often romain grosjean as he hits people a lot. as for 2024 rookies, kyffin simpson's dad bought him his seat, and kyle larson saying the n-word in 2020 means he has some really, really racist fans.

the safety rules are strict and the cars are very durable which is good for high-speed crashes. the safety people (shoutout amr indycar safety team i love y'all, amr the company i hate you more than i hate the fia) travel with the races and have extensive training. they are also stationed in places that allow quick access to any location on a track. this is most apparent at ovals as they are much faster and more dangerous. at the other races, they are stationed where there is higher likelihood for a more dangerous crash that needs faster reactions. they take trucks to the site that are full of basically anything that might be needed. this is especially important as indycar refuels and are at high risk of combustion compared to f1. the calling yellow flags is also a lot more liberal which is nice. during longer yellows, and reds at ovals they'll run a sweeper truck to clean the racing line so people don't slide into walls.

for flag code info, as i don't have the patience to write it out, it is is section 7.2 of the rule book (page 27). i've linked it at the bottom of the post.

with the cars, they're all required to have the same chassis and aren't allowed to change a huge amount, so the racing is mostly down to skill, though andretti, ganassi, penske, and mclaren are better as they have more money. there are two engine suppliers, honda and chevrolet, iirc (don't quote me here) chevy is a bit more powerful, but honda is a bit more handleable. fast pit stops are usually about 7 seconds due to smaller pit crews (7 people maximum) and refueling. each car also has it's own pit box as teams have variable car numbers based on what they can afford. firestone provides tires, and there are two compounds, primary and alternate, as well as a wet tire. primaries are the harder compound and have a black sidewall. alternates are softer and have a red sidewall, except at street circuits where it's green to signify all natural rubber. use of both compounds are required. on broadcast you'll hear them mention "sticker reds" which are just the brand new ones.

more tire info in section 15 of the rulebook (page 84). there's some complex rules if you like tires.

the biggest difference between indy cars and f1 is f1 has power steering, indy doesn't. if you watch onboards, the drivers are wrestling the car the whole time, and most of the racing comes down to skill. the actual racing is often chaotic (indycar app helps with this. i keep it open always) and since there are many pit stops in a race (the cars use a lot of fuel) the leaderboard will change a lot.

the points system is very different, i'll try to cover it as succinctly as i can but i'm going to put a link for the wiki on it at the bottom anyway. (this is going to be formatted real weird, but i want to be brief). p1 50; p2 40; p3 35; p4 32; 4th-10th decreases by 2; p10 20; 10th-25th decreases by 1; everything p25 down is 5 points. drivers get points for finishing the race, basically. (unless there's more than 33 finishers, then 34 down get nothing, but that doesn't really happen). there's some bonus points also, 1 for leading a lap, 2 for most laps led, and 1 for pole position. the final bonus is for indy 500 qualifying. top 12 get points from p1 getting 12, descending by 1, to p12 getting 1.

as for the circuits there's three types: ovals (6 races, 4 tracks), roads (6 races, +1 non-championship race), and street (5 races). ovals are very high speed with little to no breaking. road courses are just your average circuit made for racing, the roads tend to be a bit rougher than f1's but that's kinda just how american tracks are. street circuits are, well, on the street. american roads suck major dick. the smoothest indycar street circuit is comparable to the worst of f1's. very bumpy, usually some good crashes (watch 2023 st. petersburg start. shit was insane).

as a fan, i cannot recommend irl indy more. some races are busier than others, obviously, but it's cheap considering it's a big racing category. 3 day entry for the less major races is usually $60-ish, and paddock passes are an additional $120-ish. not 100% on the price for pit access, but that is a bundle with three day tickets usually. the races aren't super crowded and there isn't assigned seats which is nice. the paddock is super open (check my "fenrir indycar" tag, quick access on my pinned) and you are able to walk up to and touch the cars if you really want (i wouldn't) as well as have conversation with engineers if they're not busy. if you have pit access the drivers are usually just wandering around and are often happy to stop and talk/sign something when not busy. there's also a high risk of nearly getting run over by drivers on their scooters. will power is notorious for this.

for my non-americans, (love y'all) we are very happy to have a conversation with strangers. the indy fans are often thrilled to talk about their favorite drivers and thoughts with anyone. when i went id say the only bad experiences i had was getting overwhelmed (my fault, i went to a place that i knew would cause a meltdown) and my dad getting hit twice by a man in a golf cart twice (same guy, not my dad's fault, the cunt didn't try to move, warn him, or apologize, just hit him, let my dad stumble, hit him again. i'm still mad). the seats are usually right on the track, so it's extremely loud and smelly. 10/10 can not recommend irl indy enough. i am biased to the pnw and it's the only race i've been to, but the portland race is great. it's not got masses of people, you can walk right up to the track to watch with the only thing between you and the cars being a concrete wall and a fence, and as it's a smaller race with less fans compared to the east coast and mid-west races, it's cheaper. biggest con is its built on a swamp, so super humid. (another pro, i'll be there <3 [joke.])

any questions you've got or clarification needed, my notifications are on and i'll respond to relevant stuff as soon as i see it.

LINKS:

rule book (clicking on a section of the table of contents will take you there)

points format wiki

schedule (tickets can be bought here)

app link

2024 series wiki (so helpful)

#f1 #indycar #fenrir indycar #indy 500 #2023 indycar #2024 indycar #formula 1 #anti santino ferrucci #portland indycar #ask #anonymous #anon

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docholligay · 11 months ago

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EIGHT DAYS OF WHATEVER THE FUCK I CAN THROW TOGETHER

Hey y'all! I didn't think I'd be able to do eight days, but because @ultrace is helping me out this week, I can! (THANK HIM PROFUSELY I AM SO SERIOUSLY WRITE HIM LOVE LETTERS)

I have five out of the eight days locked and loaded:

Tonight: Bad Christmas Movie stream

Tomorrow: Jackbox games

Tuesday: Picked by @merriblu who let me stay in her fucking house and annoy her for three days, liveblog of Blue Eyed Samurai!

Wednesday: Picked by @verbforverb and @tallangrycockatiel wwho showed me around and let me bully them profusely for three days (it will not stop), 6 selected episodes of the magnus archives (I'll be listening to them and then writing about them)

Thursday: Liveblog Draw from the comments left on the repost fics when I was gone (I'll get this drawn in in an hour or two)

Friday- New year's Eve: ??????????

This is where you come in. I'm going to get this fucking decided by tomorrow morning. If you have a suggestion at all, toss it in here and/or tell me why it's a great idea. Thoughts I've had offhand:

Holligay Hates

Noted English Scholar Doc

Holligay Loves

Character Advice Column

Doc Recommends

As A Children's Program for Children

Standard Liveblog (really no time for voting, so, drawn randomly)

??????? I'll be deciding, mostly, but I do want to hear what you'd be excited for and any ideas--I PROMISE you there is no idea you could have that would make me dislike you, even if I go, 'nah'. (I mean I guess you could really go for it but you'd have to work.

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chronicallyqueercoining2 · 11 months ago

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IF YOU DONT WANT TO READ THIS BIG LONG POST, SCROLL TO THE VERY BOTTOM BELOW THE DIVIDER IMAGE!!! <3!

Y'all please stop sending bad things to my inbox 💀

My asks are for requests, not for your weird frustrations in regards to my page and beliefs!!

I'd also like to clarify, unless it is a VERY important matter, or a matter in which I feel the need to respond, I probably won't respond to these rude/weird asks! Especially if someone is saying something bad/weird (/neg) as an anon. (Anon asks are OK! WHEN THEY RELATE TO MY REQUESTS OR ARE NICE THINGS :3!)

I would love requests related to what I said I'd do as a request in my pinned post! Other than that, my inbox is truly for asks!! (with the exception of kind words and nice questions, etc!)

But just this once, I will answer questions that I've been asked, albeit indirectly, because I want to just get it out there. This is the last time I will interact with those bad asks in any way!

I will NOT vilify any REAL disorder or condition unless you are harming someone and proud of it. Past harmful behaviors that are being WORKED on do not concern me, do not involve me in them. IF you feel my page is not a safe space for you or a place you'd like to interact with, then don't! I do not want you on my page if you will feel unwelcome!!!

This is supposed to be a place where you will feel comfortable and welcome. Please only interact to both of our comfort levels. If you feel safe and comfortable and welcome interacting, then be my guest!! I love seeing new blogs pop up, and sooooooo many people have been so sweet! (Honestly, some of yall are just so nice, I'm smiling over here!)

Also, I do not care if you think I am "really disabled" or if you believe me regarding my disorders/illnesses/etc. You are not my doctor, your validations OR invalidations regarding my health does not affect me.

Something about me or my page or my communities is obviously affecting you if you need to send me hate. In that instance, I recommend you to get off the internet, for at least a bit, and find and/or do something you enjoy. You deserve to feel happy, but you will not find that by sending me mean things on my page. My health and happiness are my own, and I will simply ignore your hate.

A reminder

PLEASE do not start discourse on my page, whether that be syscourse or identity discourse or any other sort of discourse. It is draining. I do have my opinions on all of these things, but this blog is not about that.

[Pt: PLEASE do not start discourse on my page, whether that be syscourse or identity discourse or any other sort of discourse. It is draining. I do have my opinions on all of these things, but this blog is not about that. End pt]

Thank you, and you deserve to be happy, sending love and joy to anyone reading this. I hope you're having a good [timezone.]

PS: if you sent an ask/request before, please resend it if possible! My inbox was being weird and I accidentally deleted a few things!

I'm looking forward to hearing from you :3!

#cqc post #long post #boundaries #inbox #requests open #cqc info #cqc boundaries #cqc abt me

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tori-tumbls-04 · 1 year ago

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Alright, by popular demand and after much anticipation, I present to you:

The Jedi Culture and Religion as Presented by Me, Tori

Now why the hell should you read this? I mean like, you don't have to. This is tumblr dot com, not a social sciences class, and I have not assigned this as required reading. However, I took a class on Star Wars, and we essentially discussed the irl religions and moral philosophies that influenced many things in Star Wars. This class really helped me understand the Jedi in a broader sense, so I think that my summation of it will help you too

WARNING: This post contains incredibly broad descriptions of religions that do not always apply to every aspect of said religion (This was a short class and we were mostly comparing religions, so going into a deep analysis on all the traditions would not have been helpful for our purposes. Also, because any religion is hopelessly complex, we learned the mainstream versions of them, so not everything I will say will always completely apply to every person who practices these religions)

If you want to read more, click on the links where I've attached them for references or just ask me! I'd love to gush about the Jedi so give it a go

Table of contents:

Buddhism

Daoism

Christianity

Conclusion

Before we get into this, let me give y'all some context.

Overall, Star Wars was inspired by the book The Hero of a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. In it, Campbell claims that every religion is, by in large, the same, which he argues by distilling down what he says are the main hero stories of every religion into a step-by-step plot line that can supposedly apply to every religion's stories. This is the monomyth, or the original Hero's Journey.

Source

From a religious studies standpoint, this is WILDLY untrue. Campbell picked and chose his stories elements based on what he believed fit the narrative, and not even all Western hero stories fit this narrative, let alone Eastern stories (for example, Jesus never really has a Road of Trials. He's born, there's a twenty year time skip, and suddenly he's the all-powerful Son of God/God Reincarnate. I think a lot of Christians would say that Jesus is their hero- a perfectly valid and acceptable thing to say, since that is indeed the point of Jesus!- but nevertheless, he doesn't follow the Hero's Journey). Also, you can't claim that every religion is inherently the same, that's ignoring literally everything that makes religion religion, and it makes white idiots from Seattle think they understand everything about Confucianism just because they read that one book. It's also not super well written and the book kinda sucks overall.

However, this was a really popular book and it influenced a lot of minds on storytelling, including George Lucas's. It's mostly regarded with scorn in religious studies spheres today, but a lot of screenwriting classes assign it because the Hero's Journey creates stories that audiences want to hear told. Lucas used it for this reason, but also claimed that the Jedi were every religion in the world distilled into one, taking broad themes and building a culture around it (paraphrased- I can't find the exact quote and I didn't write it down so just like trust me bro). This is Hero with a Thousand Faces, plain and simple. I think we'd be hard-pressed to apply the Jedi religion to every religion, but there are three religions that emerge as the core for the Jedi, plus a few philosophies. These chosen few are Buddhism, Daoism, and Christianity.

Buddhism

(Source)

Anyone who's been on the pro-Jedi side of any social media site probably saw this one coming. Jedi are inherently Buddhist in practice and culture, and we see it everywhere. But for the previously uninitiated, here's the rundown.

What is Buddhism?

**Disclaimer: I am not an expert in Buddhism. What I know is what I've learned from this class and from one of my best friends who is Buddhist. If you want to know more, I recommend doing outside research because I'm really only equipped to talk about Buddhism in relation to the Jedi Order**

Buddhism was created in about 5th century BCE by Siddhartha Gautama, who was a wealthy prince that grew weary of the material and physical pleasures of this world. He left his titles, wealth, and wife behind and traveled for years to learn meditation techniques and ancient truths about the world. Eventually, he became the Enlightened One, or the Buddha.

Buddha taught with the Four Noble Truths:

Life is characterized by suffering

The cause of suffering is desire and delusion

Suffering has an end

You can alleviate suffering by following the path to Enlightenment (aka nirvana)

Yeahhh Buddha wasn't really Mr. Happy Fun Guy. Essentially, to Buddha, everything is suffering, and I really mean everything. Everything bad is bad, everything good comes to an end and becomes bad, and the more invested you are in earthly affairs, the more you'll suffer because of how they'll work out (eventually bad). The solution? No attachment to earthly affairs. This allows you to stay on the path to Nirvana without making yourself suffer (and here's the kicker) or making the people around you suffer. The goal is for no human to suffer.

Now, Buddha recognizes this is hard. Like, he got it in a few years, but he's also The Best At Everything Ever. Most people take multiple lifetimes to get to the point of nirvana (reincarnation exists in Buddhism), and by multiple, I mean somewhere around 500. So the goal of your life is not to achieve complete non-attachment by the time you die, but to get yourself closer and close to non-attachment and non-suffering with each life. That means continuously and consciously working to do good and reduce suffering everywhere, even if you can't reach nirvana just yet.

Source

"But Tori!" you may protest, "How in the hell are we supposed to do that??? How do we know what will make people suffer and what won't???"

That, my friends, is why the good Buddha came up with the Eightfold Path to Enlightenment, or what I call the Cosmic Playbook for Doing Good. Here's the Eight Folds:

Right Understanding (accepting Buddhist teachings)

Right Resolve (committing to action)

Right Speech (telling the truth)

Right Action (avoiding wrong behavior)

Right Livelihood (not having an occupation that does harm)

Right Effort (controlling one's mind)

Right Mindfulness (being present in the moment)

Right Meditation (mental calm)

The Eightfold Path is based on three pillars: Wisdom, Morality, and Meditation. Wisdom says you must have understanding and fight delusion; Morality says you must have benevolence and never give into anger; Meditation says you must be non-attached and never give into greed (Is this starting to sound familiar?)

Now here's the key part: Buddhism teaches selflessness and compassion. And like yeah, I mean this in the Western sense of "don't be a dickwad," but there's also a Buddhist-specific reasoning behind this.

Selflessness in the Buddhist sense literally means no self. As in you do not exist, except in a constant state of change. Your self is not permanent, therefore tying things to yourself (attachments) is going against nature and preventing you from reaching nirvana. If we accept that we are fleeting and the things associated with us are as well- money, power, influence, things in general- then we may act selflessly and with compassion to other humans. We are all connected, so acting with compassion to other people will spread compassion further throughout the universe, alleviating suffering further.

Ultimately, this is what Buddha wanted for his followers to act, and this is why Buddhism distinguishes between "good" and "bad" attachments. "Good" or selfless attachments are connections made for the goal of helping others. The focus is not you, and when the time comes, you are content with parting ways. This person is not a part of you, simply a part of this point in your life. This doesn't mean they can't have a lasting impact on you or you can't have emotion towards them, but it does mean recognizing that nothing is permanent and accepting it with peace. "Bad" or selfish attachments are people you latch onto as part of you. Bad attachment is making it about you: you have to have this person or you will die, you have to have their love or support or whatever and you're unwilling to compromise. When they leave, you can't except it because you believe both you, your self, them, and their self are permanent, and it causes you to lash out to protect your self. According to Buddha, this is the cause of all aggression, and that is why selfish attachment is to be avoided as much as possible.

Buddhism and the Jedi

I started with Buddhism because, in my opinion, the Jedi religion has its foundations in Buddhism. If you don't understand Buddhism, you can't understand the Jedi, and I think that's why many people believe that Jedi philosophy doesn't make sense. Cause lowkey, from a Judeo-Christian standpoint, it doesn't. But if we start with Buddhism and work from there, the understanding might come better.

Let's take a look at the pillars of the Eightfold Path again:

Wisdom (Understanding, no delusion)

Right Understanding (accepting Buddhist teachings)

Right Resolve (committing to action)

Morality (Benevolence, no anger)

Right Speech (telling the truth)

Right Action (avoiding wrong behavior)

Right Livelihood (not having an occupation that does harm)

Meditation (Non-attachment, no greed)

Right Effort (controlling one's mind)

Right Mindfulness (being present in the moment)

Right Meditation (mental calm)

Now compare it with this version of the Jedi Mantra:

"There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force"

(Source)

Some of these are not relevant right now, since they come from Daoism or Christianity (and also, we'll come back to the other version in a minute). But you can already see the parallels between Buddhism and the Jedi, especially in the Meditation pillar. Right Meditation and Right Mindfulness correspond directly to "There is no emotion, there is peace" and "There is no passion, there is serenity." Also, Right Understanding and Right Resolve feel very "There is no ignorance, there is knowledge" to me. This means that "There is no emotion" does not mean there is no emotion ever, it simply means controlling your gut reaction and staying calm. Reacting with gut emotions sometimes means that people around you will suffer, especially when your gut emotions are anger and hurt. Remember, we're not about suffering in this house, so there will be no gut reactions here when we can help it.

Also, the idea of attachments comes straight from Buddhism. In Buddhism, delusion leads to anger and greed, which leads to further suffering, and we delude ourselves by being selfish (remember, in this sense selfish is thinking our self is permanent, not necessarily being a dickwad). Now, I really hope this sounds familiar, because this is "fear leads to anger leads to hate leads to suffering" in practically the same words. Here, delusion of the self and fear of losing it are one in the same, and the Jedi fight this by not being attached to one state of themself, and everything that entails. Ultimately, the Jedi exist to alleviate suffering throughout the galaxy. That is their literal job description and what they sign up for when they become Knights. In Buddhist philosophy, having selfish attachments is directly counter to this idea, as we see in Anakin.

Because this definition comes directly from Buddhism, this does not mean that Jedi cannot make connections. In fact, Buddhism says we are all connected (just like with the Force! Wow it's almost like that was planned), and we should have compassion for everyone. The Jedi also say this, plain and simple, in broad daylight.

(Source: @ gffa, David Thibault on Pinterest)

The best example of a Buddhist Jedi is Yoda, who was based off of literal Buddhist monks and has non-attached compassion down to a science.

So, in summary, we got the Buddhist ideas of attachment, compassion, and selfishness for the Jedi. What about everything else?

Daoism

(Source)

Next up is Daoism/Taoism! This one is possibly the least obvious if you don't have familiarity with Eastern religions and philosophies (or maybe it is for everyone else, but I was kind of surprised to see Daoism and how well it applies to SW/the Jedi). Let's get into it

What is Daoism/Taoism?

**Same disclaimer for Daoism that I had for Buddhism! Except I know even less about Daoism than I do about Buddhism. Again, if you have more questions, I recommend doing outside research because I'm about to tell you just about everything I know on Daoism here**

First things first, how do you spell it? Daoism or Taoism?

There's no actual difference between them. The sound at the beginning of the word doesn't really exist in English, but it's somewhere between D and T, and translators often switch between the two. I use D because I just like the way Daoism sounds better than Taoism, but that's literally such a dumb reason. Call it whichever, people will understand you! There's gonna be a lot of those in this, since Chinese to English translation is tricky on the best of days and translating Daoism is... well, we'll get to it

Lau Tzu, from source

Daoism is one of the six great philosophical schools of China. It emerged around 3 century CE when Lao Tzu wrote the Dao De Jing (also known as the Tao Te Ching. To keep my spelling of D/T consistent, I'll be using the Dao De Jing spelling). The story goes that he was a great sage of his time, and he was stopped by Chinese border patrol one day. When the agents recognized who he was, they begged him for advice and pearls of wisdom. So, he gave it to them, and someone (possibly Lao Tzu, possibly one of the agents) wrote it down. This would be awesome and hilarious, because the Dao De Jing is a short book, but it has 80+ poems/maxims/stories in it, which means mans was there for way longer than the border patrol probably wanted him there

It's also possible that Lao Tzu doesn't exist and the Dao De Jing was actually written by multiple people buuuuut the other explanation is more fun so let's go with that

Dao De Jing roughly translates to "The Book of Virtue and Wisdom." In it are a lot of verses that explain the Daoist school of thought. They can be translated in many ways, but the version I read was in poetry. Here are a few excerpts that I think explain the Daoist religion the best:

"The way you can go isn’t the real way. The name you can say isn’t the real name. Heaven and earth begin in the unnamed: name’s the mother of the ten thousand things. So the unwanting soul sees what’s hidden, and the ever-wanting soul sees only what it wants. Two things, one origin, but different in name, whose identity is mystery. Mystery of all mysteries! The door to the hidden."

Source: "1, Taoing" Tao Te Ching, trans. Ursula K. Le Guin

"Not praising the praiseworthy keeps people uncompetitive. Not prizing rare treasures keeps people from stealing. Not looking at the desirable keeps the mind quiet. So the wise soul governing people would empty their minds, fill their bellies, weaken their wishes, strengthen their bones, keep people unknowing, unwanting, keep the ones who do know from doing anything. When you do not-doing, nothing’s out of order."

Source: "3, Hushing." Tao Te Ching, Ursula K. Le Guin

"Be completely empty. Be perfectly serene. The ten thousand things arise together; in their arising is their return. Now they flower, and flowering sink homeward, returning to the root."

Source: "10, Returning to the Root." Tao Te Ching, Ursula K. Le Guin

Now if you think that these are confusing and difficult to parse, you'd be correct. It's not just cause they're written as poems and not just cause they're translations between two difficult languages to translate; the Dao De Jing is intentionally written to be difficult to understand. You have to work to understand the Dao (the Way), and that's how Lao Tzu intended it. But part of the work in understanding the Dao is part of the experience of the religion. In other words, putting the work to try and understand the Dao is already halfway there!

Because I'm nice and because I want some baseline understandings for this discussion, I'll go ahead and give you broadly accepted interpretations of and concepts from the Dao De Jing.

The goal is to be unified with everything around you. All things cycle into each other and influence each other, and the goal of the Way is to be one with the natural flow of the universe

There is a common delusion that things are separate from each other. In Daoism, this is false. Nothing is truly separated- all things flow into each other and become each other in time (This is where yin and yang come from)

Adding off of that last point, identifying things too much will result in privileging one over the other. In Daoism, humans operate too much in absolute terms- what is good, what is bad, why each is each, and how to keep the good without having the bad. But all things must cycle into each other (dirt to flowers to dirt, sun to moon to sun, winter to summer to winter, etc), otherwise there is no balance, and no Way to follow

To follow the Way, you have to practice wu wei, or non-doing. In its absolute simplest terms, non-doing is going with the flow, but in a very specific way. Non-doing requires acting organically and adapting as specific opportunities arise. Having an end goal is contrary to the Way. Instead, the philosophy of wu wei says that what you need/want will come to you naturally if you follow the flow of nature

Expect things in unexpected places (but not... like... expecting? Cause you gotta Go With The Flow y'know? Anyways)

Pacifism to the Max

You must follow the Way completely and fully. Half-assing the Dao will result in being generally unhappy since you're not actively pursuing your goals either outside the Way or inside the Way. So it's just like lose-lose no matter what

There's like... more. But that's enough to delve into the Jedi methinks so let's do it.

Daoism and the Jedi (and Star Wars overall)

Jedi are notorious for defying expectations. A crotchety old frog is the most powerful Jedi in the Order. The most devout Jedi Padawan ends up being the person who tried to blow up their Temple. The person who will become The Villain of All Time is regarded as being well on his way to being one of the Best Jedi in the Order, if not already there. The list goes on. The same crotchety old frog says everything as cryptically as possible to force his students to do the work to understand what he's saying (a mannerism that many Jedi copy, if they're not as cryptic as Yoda). The Jedi are not pacifists, per se, but they go out of their way to be non-violent as often as possible (this overlaps with the Buddhist idea of attachments and their relation to violence). The Jedi also try to treat within their Order the same, and hierarchy is pretty loose.* Also, the Force is the Way. It literally flows through everything, it doesn't get more obvious than that. Also, "do or do not, there is no try," anyone?

*This point is contentious, I know, but looking canon it's true. The Jedi do not privilege one Jedi over another- councilor members seem to be treated roughly the same inside the Order as every other Knight or Master. The difference between Knight and Master is nebulous at best and the only difference between the two seems to be raising a Padawan. But at what point beyond that does a Knight become a Master? Why are Knights also called Masters and vice versa? Padawans and younglings are a different story, but certainly within ranks there is little differentiation.

But more than that, the world that the Jedi operate in is very Daoist. The Light and Dark side of the Force come from yin and yang (though, due to Buddhist and Christian influences, yin isn't quite the Dark side and yang isn't quite the Light, but the idea definitely came from Daoism). Light and dark people have bits of both in them, as Clone Wars goes out of its way to demonstrate over and over again. In The Last Jedi, Luke outright states that the Force is what ties together the Light and the Dark, and that they cycle into each other. This is reinforced over and over again. In Mortis,

Source

On Ahch-To,

Source

And just about every time anyone says where there is great light there is also great darkness, plus a lot in Legends content because Legends writers apparently love playing with this.

Also, time in Daoism (and generally in Eastern religions/philosophies) is cyclical. In the West, we view time as cyclical- one thing happened back then and it won't ever happen the same way again. But in Daoism, the same events happen over and over again in a continual cycle, just as they do in nature. Star Wars operates in the exact same way. The Republic rises, then the Empire, then the Republic, then the First Order, and on and on. Characters rise and fall with their times, and at times, it seems like the same story is doomed to play out over and over again. Where exists bright light, also exists deep night; every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Alright, back to the Jedi Mantra. Now that we're in Daoism, let's look at the weird one:

"Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force."

Source

Many interpretations of this mantra have focused on the idea that both exist, and I personally agree with that interpretation, especially in the context of Daoism. The key with Daoism is that Daoists aren't trying to change the world, like Christians or Buddhists. They're simply trying to be one with the universe, as is the natural state of things. They do not deny the chaos, but harmonize with it instead. They do not deny death, they simply follow the Way/Dao/Force to death when it's time. The key to Daoism is holding contradictions together and finding the way between them like water in a stream, instead of choosing one side over another. Also, tell me this doesn't read like the Dao De Jing? You can't because it does.

(Side note: the holding contradictions together thing is also the explanation behind Obi-Wan's iconic line "Only the Sith deal in absolutes." Sith cannot acknowledge shades of gray or sides that are not their own: for the Sith, there is only their side and everyone else's side, and their side is always right. Jedi are trained to see the white dot in the black swirl and the black dot in the white swirl. Sith can only see the black or the white, nothing in-between. This is also known as obsessive and/or antagonistic thinking.)

The best example of a Daoist Jedi is Qui-Gon Jinn, aka Mr. "Let's-Bet-On-Some-Kid-Who's-Never-Won-A-Podrace-In-His-Life" whose middle name is Maverick. Need I say more?

So, in summary, we got the "weird" and confusing parts of the Jedi religion from Daoism (though I hope I cleared some of them up! But they are meant to be confusing lmao)

Christianity

Source

"But Tori," you protest, "If the Jedi are supposed to be following the Way and the Way goes between what's good and bad, why are Jedi constantly the Good Guys who do Good Things instead of being neutral monks on their mountain?"

Well my friend, let me introduce you to a little thing called Christianity.

Now, in my opinion, the Jedi are possibly least inspired by Christianity. By in large, most of their themes and Main Religious Points can be found in either Buddhism or Daoism. But so far, all we have for motivation of why the Jedi do good things is compassion and to alleviate suffering. How do they know how to do that? The Jedi say they do it by following the Force, but how do they do it by following the Daoist Force, which says they have to be neutral as possible and one with nature?

Let's pivot to Christianity (with no disclaimer for this one because I was raised Baptist and Catholic (long story) and I actually know quite a bit about Christianity).

What is Christianity?

Christianity grew from followers of Judaism right around 0 CE. Though the Torah (the primary Jewish religious text) is official canon in Christianity, Christians follow God and Humanity's savior, the Son of God, Jesus. When Jesus was alive, He preached gospel to His followers over the course of a few years. Though there are many things that make up Christian theology, Jesus's teachings are often first, foremost, and the foundation of that theology. These were written down in the Bible in the Gospels of Mark, Matthew, Luke, and John, and further expanded into the New Testament of the Bible (the primary Christian religious text).

Jesus was real simple. He preached that there is a Good and a Bad, and both of those things are determined by the creator of the universe, God. A true Christian will do Good things, like feed the poor and respect your fellow man. If you do Bad things, that's okay! You just have to confess and repent, and you will be forgiven by God. Other Christians also must forgive you, because that is one of the Good things that All Christians Must Do. If you refuse to repent, you go to Hell when you die. If you believe in and worship God, follow all the rules, and do all the Good things, God will reward you in the afterlife by sending you to the Kingdom of Heaven, where there is No Bad Ever.

Tl;dr: don't be a dickwad and say thanks to God every once and a while and you're good homie.

Therefore, Christianity is based around three pillars: Faith, Love, and Hope. Have faith in your God to know what to love and what to do, and hope for a better tomorrow and afterlife.

Everything else is kind of extra and we don't really need it here (including the Ten Commandments, since the Jedi don't really follow them), so like... don't get mad at me for summing up Christianity like this please haha

Christianity and the Jedi

I've already alluded to this, but Jedi get their moral compass from belief and faith in the Force to essentially tell them what to do. This is fresh outta Christianity ladies, gents, and enbies; though themes overlap a bit in Daoism, Christianity takes pains to make it clear that its moral compass come from God and Jesus. If you want to read more about this, CS Lewis articulates the argument really well in Mere Christianity.

Now, this bit can be a little tricky to see clearly with the Jedi, since the Force doesn't act like the Christian God. The Christian God is generally fairly active in a Christian's life, especially in the Bible. God will straight up send heavenly messengers or like communicate with people himself in the Bible to tell them what to do, but the Force is more subtle than that. Obviously the Jedi can feel the Force, but they rarely- if ever- know what the Force is trying to tell them. So instead, Jedi seem to use more of a river current approach: where the Force flows is obviously Good, so they try to feel the Force tugging them in that direction and go there. But you can swim against the flow of a river, and sometimes it's super easy to do in still spots. That's okay! As long as you repent and turn around, it's all good.

The practice is obviously Daoist, but the Force as the Ultimate Moral Good is a Christian concept. This is why Jedi are the good guys and why following the Force generally leads to the most narratively rewarding and best outcomes- if they were purely Daoist, they'd spend their days doing things like eating wood and carving cart wheels perfectly right (Daoist stories can get more exciting, but generally Daoist hero stories revolve around mundane things like this to emphasize that the way to live is to be perfectly in tune with the world around you). Instead, Jedi often present themselves as Christian heroes. You know, the ones who follow God and defend their city from evil forces, magically know which food is poisoned, carrying people across a near-impossible to cross river, levitating and making things fly across rooms, and more. Any of this sound familiar?

The Jedi morals themselves are influenced from many places, as we've already seen. But the Dark side vs. the Light side are Western/Christian; it's very reminiscent of heaven vs. hell and the motifs in both mirror that. The Dark side is cold, aggressive, and "bad," and the Light is warm, kind, and "good" (in Daoism, these concepts are flipped). The visuals draw from Western visuals of both.

Also, Jedi are supposed to look like a cross between samurai and Christian monks, and many of the other aesthetic choices for Jedi come from one of those two influences.

Source (1, 2, 3+4)

The Vatican compared with the Jedi Temple in AotC and RotS

Jedi are also literally called Knights. How much more obvious can it get.

Christian Jedi are a little harder to nail down, but if it came down to it, I'd probably place my bets on Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan has doing Light Side things down pat, as well as forgiveness and repent. Plus, tell me he didn't sound a bit like God when he was talking to Luke in ANH.

Conclusion

So, if I had to sum up the Jedi, I'd say it like this (Bold is from Buddhism, italics is from Daoism, and bold+italics are from Christianity):

"The Jedi Order is a Force-sensitive religious group dedicated to the alleviation of suffering throughout the galaxy. Though they are mainly trained as peacekeepers, all Jedi are proficient with a lightsaber, and the Order encourages this practice as long as they use their skills to defend.

Due to their Force-sensitivity, Jedi can connect to the living things around them and sense emotions, thoughts, and sometimes memories as though they were their own. Without proper emotional regulation, Jedi can become overwhelmed and pass out or obtain other psychic damage. For this reason, the Jedi practice mindfulness and non-attachment through meditation. From a young age, Jedi are trained to regulate emotional instincts and react mindfully to their surroundings to not overwhelm themselves or others.

The Jedi follow the Will of the Force. Though this can be difficult to interpret, Jedi train their entire lives to recognize the signals of the Force as they are presented to them. The Jedi follow the "Light Side"* of the Force, which puts them in direct opposition to the Sith, who follow the Dark Side. The two have been mortal enemies since time immortal, and will continue to be so as the cycle of light and dark continues to chase itself.

*it's worth noting here that at no point in time is the Force that the Jedi follow referred to as the "light side," it's simply the Force. This implies that the Jedi truly are just following The Way, and the Sith have completely convoluted The Way.

There are two versions of the Jedi Mantra, which outline their philosophies well:

"There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force"

"Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force."

The Jedi believe that fear leads to anger, which leads to hate, which leads to suffering. Therefore, Jedi try to conquer fear and selfishness as much as possible, which is how the Jedi principle of non-attachment came about. Though Jedi believe in compassion and love, their duties and Force-sensitivity require them to forgo attachments, or unhealthy and obsessive relationships with others. This is a struggle that many Jedi work through their entire lives. Jedi also believe in non-material possession and contentment in the natural world. Since the natural world and the Force are intertwined with each other, this allows Jedi to listen to the Force better."

Finally, the way the Jedi follow the Force is not the only or "correct" way of following the Force. Just irl as there are no correct cultures or religions, just the ones that align with you, personally, the best, there is no correct way of practicing the Force (though the Sith are generally set up as bad guys in Star Wars, the Dark Side of the Force is corruptive by nature, and Sith are almost always rampaging killing machines, so I think we can make an exception for them). The Force seems to manifest in many different ways, so therefore the religions can too.

I hoped this helped you guys answer any questions you may have about the Jedi! This got so long so if you read to the bottom you're a real trooper. If you still have questions, feel free to rb or shoot me an ask!

#star wars #jedi #jedi order #pro-jedi #meta #star wars meta #sw discussion

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